Misery's blogger profile picture, depicting Eris holding the Apple of Discord while standing in front of the Sacred Chao, or 'Hodge-Podge'.

Misery Always Knows is a blogella written by Collen. It is the first time the Burning Bride ever appeared in a blog.

This blog is notable for making the Burning Bride an actual character of sorts, going by the alternate name of Eris. The blog also references the Flickering Woman, an idea originally proposed by Collen which was then combined with other proposed Fears into the Burning Bride.


Misery, Mother, and Father

The first three posts of the blog serve to introduce the main character, Misery, her mother, and her father.

The blog opens with Misery meeting a woman named Eris when she was a child. In the ensuing conversation, Eris gives a variety of vague answers to Misery's persistent questions about her. Eris tells Misery that eventually she'll reach something called the 'Decision Point', during which Misery will have to make an important decision. Before Misery can ask Eris what she means by this, Eris vanishes. After this incident, Misery becomes a Discordianist after searching Eris's name online, and pledges to find Eris once more and get real answers.

Misery's next post is about her mother, who was cold and reclusive. Misery's name was given out of spite, and eventually her Mother divorced her father. Misery's mother died in the winter of hypothermia two years before the blog began. The final post in this section recalls one of Misery's visits to her father's house by a lake, and a dream she had about Eris giving her the offer of knowing everything with just a handshake.

The Visits

After that, Misery posts about how she has trouble respecting authority and often acts contrary simply out of spite, and how she worries that eventually she'll get violent. It's implied that this is because of a mixture of the Eris's influence and ODD.

Misery then receives two messages in her email inbox: one from her father, asking her if she'd like to visit his house again, and another from the so-called 'Chain Connector', which appears to be some sort of chain letter about a 'Burning Bride' and 'Ferratus'. Misery dismisses it as spam, but it still nags on her mind.

Afterwards, Misery gets fired from her job after an outburst ending in her throwing a desk out of a window, and she worries about what she'll tell her father. Following this, the place she used to work at catches fire spontaneously, and Misery wonders if she did that. Finally, Misery decides to go to her father's despite all of her worries. During this visit, her father reveals that he's getting married to a new bride. Misery wonders who this is, but her father doesn't tell her. The next morning, it's revealed that Eris is the bride-to-be. Following this revelation, Eris forces Misery to agree to taking a walk with her via some form of telepathy and mind-control.

On the walk, Eris takes Misery into a cave with glowing crystals in the walls called the Caves of Luminescence, where she reveals that she used to be called the Flickering Woman, and that she had many followers she ruled over called 'Seers'. Eris used to rule from a throne that was destroyed by her other husband, the Brute. It's also revealed that eventually Eris lost power and her Caves are just a memory, and that Eris wants Misery to start a new line of servants, as well as wanting her husband to be free from the punishment she gave him. At the 'Decision Point' Misery will have to decide if she wants to join Eris or burn to death.

After this, Misery wakes up above ground. Misery goes home, reporting that many fires are starting in her city due to Eris's influence. Misery states that she thinks Eris thinks this will whittle down her sanity, and notes that Eris doesn't know her. Misery then does some research on paranormal things involving fire and light. What comes up all links to Eris through the coal-studded ring on each "new" entity's right hand. A story is briefly told about a person who put on the ring and melted. Then, Eris and Misery's father visit the apartment Misery lives in. It is here that Misery learns Eris can't force Misery to become her first new servant - which is implied to be because of The Deep. Eris also reveals that the Decision Point will happen the next day.

On the blog, Misery warns Eris to watch out, because she plans to fight.

Decision Point

The next morning, Misery wakes up to find a note placed on the kitchen table from Eris, telling her to go up to the roof of the building. Misery briefly considers running, but shoos the idea away, stating that she's not a coward.

Misery goes up to the roof, which is stained with oil and ash, fire burning on it, smoke coming from metal pipes and a chimney, chains wrapped around every surface they could find. In the center of the roof is Eris, who is now wearing a wedding dress. Eris welcomes Misery, calling the roof The Grove of Fetters. This causes Misery to remember the name from the chain email she received. Eris reveals that she sent the email to Misery, and that her original husband wrote it. Eris says that everybody is bound by chains - whether physical or metaphorical. These chains represent grief and regret holding people back. Eris then notes that Misery never had any chains.

Eris reveals that she foresaw this day long in the past, and that she created a plan for it. When she first met Misery, she wrapped a small mental chain around her so that when Misery received the email she'd know what it meant subconsciously, and act contrary to what it advised. Eris also got Misery fired from her job so that she wouldn't be weighed down by it, and she made Misery's father invite Misery to his house, so that Eris could take her to the Caves and tempt her with power. It is revealed that Misery was bullied when she was young, and has always had a thirst for power because of this. Finally, Eris tells Misery that her cause has no purpose or flame, unlike hers. To prove this point, she lights her dress and veil aflame.

Eris tells Misery that they are both alike, tempted by power. Misery denies this, stating that she doesn't want power anymore. Misery also says that she isn't effected by chains by looking forward to the future, and Eris just avoids the chains by making them. Eris has an ace in the hole, though. She points out that Misery's father isn't on the roof, and reveals that she knocked him out and placed him at the bottom of the stairs to the apartment.

Misery's father appears, red-eyed, and charges at Eris. He then gives her a brutal beatdown. Eris isn't hurt, though. Instead she just gets up and idly chatters about how she married her husband after a fight resulting in the Great Fire of London. During this fight, Eris chained her husband to a rock and her husband ripped her heart out. Eris reveals that she made Misery's father this angry by telling him everything she planned to do and increasing his anger ten-fold. Eris also says that Misery's father's anger will be used to free her husband again.

Eris says some sort of incantation and her husband - Ferratus - bursts out of Misery's father, wrapped in incorporeal chains. Eris says that this is because of Ferratus himself rather than her doing. Eris turns to Misery and tells her that if she goes with her, Eris can bring Misery's father back. Eris extends her right hand to Misery.

Misery reaches for it and pulls the coal-studded ring off and puts it on her ring finger. Instead of melting, nothing happens. Eris is confused by this, so Misery explained that the ring was probably forged from Ferratus's fire and his chains, and thus it reacts badly to people with chains effecting them. Only those without chains can wear it - which means Misery and Eris are safe from the ring. Misery tells Eris that she has won, and orders Eris to get out of her way. When Eris declines, Misery punches her in the face and yells, "Eat flax, bitch!"

Eris flies over the side of the roof and lands in the burning streets. Misery approaches the side, and when Ferratus tells her that there's nowhere for her to go, she simply says, "One who is free of chains cannot be bound to the ground." and jumps off the roof. Instead of falling, she lands on a cushion of air and is able to fly.

The blog ends with Misery stating that she lives in the sky now, only landing for food and to rest on the roofs of buildings below.



Misery is the blog's protagonist. She is a Discordianist with some form of ODD. Her personality is rather fierce and she displays some amount of apathy to other people. However, she is not a 'bad person' by any means. Misery looks to the future and doesn't let what she regrets take hold of her and because of this, she is not bound down by any 'chains'.

When Misery was young, she was constantly bullied for her name, among other things. Because of this, she gained a desire for power. At the end of the blog she grows out of this.

Misery's Mother

Not much is shown of Misery's mother other than the fact that she was cold and not very friendly with Misery, or anyone, for that matter. She dies before the blog begins. It's likely that she's a Cold Boy victim.

Misery's Father

Misery has a good relationship with her father. Because of the divorce, Misery only got to see him on the weekends, but enjoyed being at his house. Not much is known about Misery's father either, other than he was a good man who was controlled by Eris. At the end of the blog Ferratus rises from within him, killing him.


Eris is the blog's primary antagonist. She planned out every event in the story in advance, manipulating everything to ensure she rose back to power by taking Misery on as her servant.

Eris used to be the Flickering Woman until she met Ferratus. At their first meeting they fought and caused the Great Fire of London. At the end of this battle Ferratus ripped Eris's heart out and she chained Ferratus to a rock. After this, they wed. At some point - likely before they married - Ferratus destroyed Eris's throne, starting her fall from power. This is probably what caused them to fight.

Eventually, Eris lost all of her servants. Ever since then, she sought for the start of a new line to help her rise to power again.

At the end of the blog, Eris is pushed off the roof into the fire, and she likely doesn't get powerful ever again.


Ferratus is mentioned over the course of the story, but isn't seen until the penultimate post.

He is Eris's husband. Eris punished him by chaining him to a rock in the Grove of Fetters, and didn't free him again until much later, killing Misery's father in the process. Not much else is known about Ferratus other than he is bound by thousands of chains.


  • Discordianism is referenced many times in the blog - the main antagonist is named Eris, and the main character, Misery, is a Discordianist.

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